Picky Eating or Eating Disorder?

I was probably 9 or 10 years old when I had my first "eating disorder" thought. We were at my grandparents house for family Christmas and there was chocolate cake for dessert. I loved chocolate cake. I was so excited when my aunt cut me a rather large piece and then someone said, "You're going to eat that whole thing?" in a disdainful way. I didn't love chocolate cake anymore. I can still remember this moment so clearly. It was when my whole life changed. 

After that, I started noticing how my clothes were tighter on me, especially around my tummy. I noticed that my friends were thinner than me as well as my brother. By no fault of his own, I have always, to this day, wished I had his body instead of my own. While growing up, I started to develop these thoughts categorizing foods into "boy foods" and "girl foods." "Boy foods" were mostly junk foods: potato chips, sugary cereal, chocolatey desserts, basically anything greasy or sugary. "Girl foods" were the blander, "healthier" foods: pretzels, rice, plain pasta... I think I doing this because I knew my brother could eat these things and still stay skinny but I couldn't, so instead I would just say, "I don't like that," even if I may have actually wanted it. This is where I began being classified as a "picky eater." 

I never realized that my picky eating was disordered eating until I got to college and started going to therapy. See the thing with my version of picky eating wasn't that I would try something and realize that I don't like it. My picky eating was refusing to eat something in the first place, usually because in my mind, it was "bad." This in itself is considered a form of Anorexia: the refusal to eat. Then with anorexia almost always comes the binge eating of these so-called "bad foods," normally in secret while alone. Which eventually leads to the purging of said foods, enter: Bulimia. So you can see how this "picky eating" quickly became more than meets the eye. 

I'm definitely not saying all "picky eaters" have underlying eating disorders, that's not true at all. I'm trying to help you watch out for signs of more than just picky eating. This is something I've dealt with for a majority of my life, a lot I which I'm angry that I let it affect me the way it did and that it held me back from so many opportunities. I'm hoping that by sharing my stories, I can help someone else struggling know that they're not alone, and help others understand that mental health is more than just a bad day.